Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
