Actions speak louder than pants.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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