This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
