We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
