He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
