and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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