No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
