I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
