I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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