Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize