Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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