I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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