turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
