uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize