I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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