fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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