Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
These tits shall not be calmed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
