I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sext me about skeletons
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize