Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
