He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
