I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
