Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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