I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
