my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
