every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
PANTIES FOUND
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