I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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