am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
