Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
