I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
