hotel room ftw
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
