note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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