If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
