I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
