i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
