I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
