The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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