I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
