bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
