I think i sorta joined a cult last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
