wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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