According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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