Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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