You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
