You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
