Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm both gender and math confused
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize