did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize