How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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