I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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