the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
