You're my little dorito
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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