and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
