I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
