i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
