Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
