The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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