Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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