i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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