I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
