Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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