Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize