Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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