I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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