why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
