Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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